Various Artists - Virgin Megastore Anatomy of Music: Volume One

A CD music sampler given away for free (with purchase) at participating Virgin Megastores worldwide in 1997. I recall

getting mine when I purchased Bjork's Homogenic in the store at Grapevine Mills Mall in Texas that fall. They just sort of handed it to me at the register; I was happy to receive it (free is always good), but there was nothing on the recording particularly cutting-edge or out of the ordinary.

You can determine that for yourself - here's the track list:

1. One Way Or Another - Blondie
2. Crowded House - Something So Strong
3. We're An American Band - Grand Funk Railroad
4. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz
5. Fly Like An Eagle - Steve Miller
6. Thing Called Love - Bonnie Raitt
7. Rock This Town - Stray Cats
8. I'm Still In Love With You - Al Green
9. Hungry Like The Wolf - Duran Duran
10. Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull
11. What's Love Got To Do With It? - Tina Turner
12. American Pie - Don McLean
13. Behind The Wall Of Sleep - The Smithereens
14. Higher Ground - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
15. The Weight - The Band

I believe that Virgin's goal on this disc was to break down music into its major parts and groups - rock, New Wave, easy listening, R&B, etc. - then provide representative examples of what they considered the best in each type of genre, in order to inculcate listeners who might not have as much familiarity with these different sounds (and hopefully generate more sales in their stores). Fair enough . . . On this thing, Virgin went out of their way to provide something for everyone, in the most inoffensive way possible; there's nothing on here that's going to generate controversy or set your hair on fire. I assume that Virgin planned on making these Anatomy of Music compilation freebies an ongoing thing at their stores, but they only put out one

more of them (Volume 2: Love Songs) before discontinuing the series in 1998.

The reason I'm posting this recording is as follows: I was looking through my CD racks this evening and came across this old disc. On a whim, I looked it up on Google, and found that this old giveaway - filled with conventional hits easily acquired from other sources - was being sold on Amazon for $50! I'm sorry, but that sort of blatant money-grubbing pisses me off.

So in order to head off the gougers (and the people seriously considering forking over big money for a CD like this), I offer to you for your enjoyment Virgin Megastore Anatomy of Music: Volume One, put out by Virgin Entertainment Group in late 1997. Enjoy this soothing musical pablum and, as always, let me know what you think.

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Poll: Who sported the greatest porn mustache in rock history?

For my latest visitor poll (see sidebar at right), we'll be determining which rock act epitomized one of the greatest and most difficult looks to pull off in music - the porn mustache. It's a look that in some ways harkens back to a certain time and place (the '70s in particular), but in other ways is almost timeless, with present-day performers (such as The Red Hot Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedis recently) occasionally bringing it back. The popular music porno mustache has been worn seriously, ironically, hilariously and badly . . . but some performers have gone the extra mile, and made it their own. That is what we are here to decide - whose was the best?

There were almost too many examples to choose from, but I finally winnowed it down to ten finalists. Before we get to them, let's all give a Brubaker-style slow clap to these performers in the "honorable mention" category, whose facial hair was deemed good, but not porno-great:

• Mountain's Felix Pappalardi
• Motorhead's Lemmy
• Jerry Cantrell
• Weezer's Rivers Cuomo (the Red Album period)
• Thin Lizzy's Phil Lynott
• Led Zeppelin's John Bonham
• Weird Al Yankovich
• Foghat (the entire band), and
• The Village People (too obvious))

OK - let's get to our contestants.  Who among these ten rock porn mustache pioneers truly wore it well?

Little Richard: One of rock's true groundbreakers, and not only musically and through his flamboyant, over-the-top performances - Richard Penniman practically invented the rock 'n' roll porn mustache.

Chuck Berry: If Little Richard was the innovator and instigator of the porn mustache in modern music, Chuck Berry was the performer who popularized it, and who laid the groundwork for making it a permanent rock fashion accessory. Through his more accessible, acceptable (to white Middle American teens), less raucous rock 'n' roll music, he did much to disassociate the look from its more controversial R&B roots and bring it into the mainstream.

The Beatles: The Fab Four sported a lot of looks during their career - leather-clad street punks, Pierre Cardin-suited mop tops, hippie chic, psychedelic-shirted mods. But my favorite Beatles image is the mid-period, Revolver/pre-Sgt. Pepper era, when the boys rocked some classic porno 'stashes (especially Paul and Ringo). Here they are in all their glory.

Jimi Hendrix: No discussion of the porn mustache in popular music can be complete without including Jimi. For a brief period in the late Sixties, Jimi's image was the quintessential look of rock music, and his soup strainer was an integral part of that.

Frank Zappa: I was never a big Zappa fan; his music is an acquired taste, to be sure. And his look during the Sixties varied from "angry hippie" to "weird proto-Arab". In this competition, he loses points, in my opinion, for the 'stache/uber-soul patch combo. But there's still enough 'porno' in his facial hair to make him a finalist.

Freddie Mercury: No need to explain why Freddie made the finals. Queen's flamboyant frontman was pretty much the gold standard for this look in the Seventies. That growth under his nose would have been the envy of Harry Reems or John Holmes!

Paul Simon: A dark horse in this contest, to be sure. But someone who, as you can see, needs to be part of the conversation. In the Seventies, Paul Simon carried some classic decadent facial hair, a look that couldn't help but make one think of patrons of seedy Times Square adult theaters and filthy peep shows. Which is really too bad, because by most accounts Simon was a pretty straight arrow. But first impressions count, nowhere moreso than here. Still Crazy After All These Years, indeed.

Jim Croce: Another '70s music icon who needs to be considered for this honor. Croce's face and hard life were a perfect fit for the music he played at the time, chronicling tales of con men, down-and-outers and others beaten down by life. His mustache veers a little too close to Gene Shalit territory for my taste . . . but it's still got enough "whacka-chicka whacka-chicka" in it for him to make the final cut.

Prince:  What else need be said about the face of His Royal Badness/Purpleness? A cross between Little Richard's and Jimi Hendrix's facial hair, in his early career Prince put it all together into the unique and innovative "chocolate milk" (or "dirty Sanchez", if you will . . .) mustache.

John Oates: While Hall & Oates was ostensibly a duo, for years Oates labored beneath the broad shadow of his arguably more talented partner Daryl Hall. But there was one area in which he completely outdid his compadre - just as Freddie Mercury owned the '70s, John Oates' mustache was the one by which all other '80s rock porn mustaches were measured. His look was straight off a Vivid Video set!

Please make your choices over to the right - you can only choose one of these ten, so choose wisely! This competition ends in mid-March, so get your votes in when you can! I look forward to publishing the results in a few weeks.

All the best to you from Pee-Pee Soaked Heckhole

Various Artists - Hey Love (Vol. 1 and 2)

This collection of great R&B hits from the late '60s/early '70s is probably known more for its now-classic 1970s television commercial and its immortal closing line, "No, my brother - you have to buy your own!" Here's the ad, just in case you don't remember it:



I probably saw this TV commercial scores of times in the late '70s and early '80s, when they were running it at practically every late-night ad break on UHF stations like WLVI (Channel 56) in Boston and WBFF (Channel 45) in Baltimore. A weird combination of late Seventies cheesiness and slickness, this ad is a bonafide masterpiece.

The Hey Love compilation was released by a company called Onyx Communications out of New York City (according to the commercial, in partnership with "Hey Love Productions") sometime in either 1977 or 1978 - documentation is pretty scarce for this release. Back then, you could only order the album on either vinyl or cassette, via the standard shady-looking P.O. address in some jerkwater town most people had never heard of. Onyx Communications was obviously just the middleman in this deal, and apparently the release of Hey Love was the high point for this company - on a whim, I looked up company information on this firm, and only came up with the following:

"Onyx Communications Inc is a private company categorized under Communications and located in New York, NY. Current estimates show this company has an annual revenue of less than $500,000 and employs a staff of approximately 1 to 4."

Looks like they had to let a few people go over the years. Shoulda hung on to some of that mail order record money . . .

Anyway, after a few years, the ads disappeared from the airwaves, and the albums became unavailable. However, in 2001, Time-Life Music acquired the license, and reissued Hey Love on two CDs. For all the jokes about the corniness and stilted dialogue of the commercial, that doesn't take away from the fact that this is an outstanding soul/R&B compilation. These discs focus on a narrow time period, approximately from 1966 to 1973, ostensibly the heyday of American soul music. Every one of the forty songs on Hey Love were Top 40 R&B hits during this period, with many of them crossing over and becoming mainstream hits as well.

These are the kind of songs I remember my folks listening to, way back when. My dad used to have stacks of 45rpm records in the cabinet of his Telefunken, and if company came over or if the mood struck him, he would spin record after record on the stereo turntable - memorable stuff like The Stylistics' "Betcha By Golly, Wow", or "Have You Seen Her" and "Oh Girl" by The Chi-Lites, and "Me And Mrs. Jones" by the immortal Billy Paul. EVERY song contained on both volumes of Hey Love is a stone-cold classic.

If you know nothing about the late Sixties soul scene, these records are the perfect place to begin your education. "Not sold in any store, this exclusive TV offer is available only here!" So, pick up your copy of "the classic sounds of sexy soul", my brother - you can "get your own" right here! Enjoy:

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James Brown - Live At The Apollo (1962) (RS500 - #24)

Here it is - the consensus greatest live album ever released, James Brown's Live At The Apollo, recorded in 1962, originally released by King Records and reissued in an expanded edition (provided here) by Polydor Records in 2004. After record company executives rejected capturing on vinyl his dynamic stage act for financial reasons (they didn't think it would sell), James Brown paid for the recording out of his own pocket. The results speak for themselves - this is Soul Brother #1 at his height, in front of an ecstatic, appreciative audience.

I can't say enough about how great this record is. So I won't speak another word, other than to say that if you DON'T own this record, there's something wrong with you - yeah, it's THAT important a release.

Enjoy:

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Various Artists - Phil Spector: Back To Mono (1958-1969) (RS500 - #64)

OK . . . so it turned out that Phil Spector was crazier than a barrel of snakes. Fair enough. I heard enough insane stories about him prior to the Lana Clarkson murder (for instance, pulling a gun on the Ramones during the recording of End Of The Century - those guys, who weren't strangers to violence and life on the streets, were legitimately scared of him) to know that the guy had a serious screw loose, and bad stuff would come down on him sooner or later.

But with that said, the guy was, frankly, a musical genius, and the music he produced throughout the 1960s isn't just classic, but part of the overall soundtrack of America during that time. Sadly, until this album set was released in 1991, there was no collection available that grouped together all of the songs and artists he produced, and provided a thorough overview of his career. That's why this set is so important. Through these three discs, you can see the development of Spector's famed Wall Of Sound, and see how it was effectively and devastatingly used in such hits as "Be My Baby" and "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'". Practically every song on this collection is a stone-cold classic.

In my opinion, this is one of the best boxed sets EVER released, and a must-have for any music lover. Enjoy:

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